Step One: Listen to your mom scream at you for your weight and then anything else she can think of for a good 10 minutes
Step Two: Get incredibly and ridiculously depressed about everything, not just mother. Overthink all of the things going on in your life until your brain actually physically hurts.
Step Three: Eat because you are now depressed. Eat like a motherfucker. Every food is welcome at this time. Diet? Fuck diets. 7 snickers bars and a whole bag of rainbow goldfish is not even making a dent in the cabinet. EAT EVERYTHING.
Step Four: Become even more depressed because you feel like a FAT FUCK with no self control. Stare at yourself in the mirror for at least 30 seconds and decide you suck and are ugly and other teen angsty things.
All I remember is a blur of red and then a thud. He hit the mirror of your truck and ricocheted in through the window. I was lost in thought when it happened, watching the oaks and elms and maples pass by along the road’s shoulder, the early autumn air stinging my skin. Before I could even process what was going on, the bird in my lap made a last struggle, and then the shudder that comes with death shook his broken, fragile body.
I wept like you weren’t even there. As if it were just me, alone in your truck. I can’t say whether I was weeping for the cardinal, or for the loss of what you and I used to be. But I sobbed and sobbed over the body of the vibrant red bird, his neck bent and screwed up, his beak awry. His eyes were still open, still a glossy black. They seemed to be questioning me…And in my forgetfulness I looked up at you. Your eyes held less life than the beady black’s of the bird. They asked me nothing, but said plenty.
I'm going to ask you questions to distract you from being sick. What do you like to do? feel better.
I like to decorate my ponies in braids and feathers and ride them in the woods! And I like sketching. I like cuddling and making people happy. I think above anything else I like to make people happy. Thank you <3